“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Buddha
Forgiveness is one of those tricky things that can eat away at us if we don’t address it. Allowing forgiveness to heal you requires introspection, to look at the situation objectively and to accept your own responsibility. This can be very difficult. We all like to think we are right and the other person is wrong. But maybe, just maybe you can let go of some things that you’re hanging onto and can free yourself from a bad situation.
Forgiveness can be very healing for a past event. It doesn’t excuse any behavior on either part, but it allows a place where you can look at it differently. Try some of these tips and see if you can allow forgiveness to heal your thoughts and ideas around a situation. You never know what you will learn about yourself when you allow forgiveness to enter.
Forgiveness is for you and not for anyone else. Stop expecting other people to change just because you want a different reaction or response from them. You are only in control of you. Stop thinking, “If only they would…fill in the blank.” If only they would change? If only they would say…? The act of forgiveness is for you and you alone.
See if you can find something positive from the situation. Instead of replaying what happened, what was said, how you felt – focus on what positive experience you can take from the situation. What did you learn? How can you think about the experience different? There is always a lesson from any situation. What can you take away from the event and make it positive?
Accept the past for what it is. The past is just that, the past. It’s over, done, finito. Stop getting stuck in the past. Without forgiveness you are giving the other person power of you. No one should be able to hijack your feelings and emotions. With forgiveness you can move past the hurt feelings and stop giving power to the situation. You take back control of the situation by allowing forgiveness to take place.
Sometimes good people make bad choices. We are all human and we cannot expect perfection in others or ourselves. Things are said, feelings are hurt, and things are said we can never take back. The other person can never take back what he or she said. This doesn’t make you or the other person bad people. We cannot expect perfection in any situation.
Focus on what you can do now. Do you find yourself continuing to think about the situation or the person? You are not owed anything. You can’t think the only way I am ever going to feel better about this is when I get an apology from that person. YOU have to turn your thoughts towards forgiveness and peace around a situation. YOU have the power to create positive thoughts.
Forgiveness does not come easy for me with some past situations. I’ve learned to forgive myself and forgive others that have harmed me. We can achieve this by allowing forgiveness to heal you. It doesn’t mean I want to sit down in the same room with the person and have a heart to heart conversation. I don’t have to ever see the person again, or speak to them again. Forgiving others has given me my power back and it gives me a sense of freedom from the situation.
I hope these help in some way to start to work towards forgiveness for yourself and others. Create a new future for yourself without hanging onto old baggage that no longer serves you.
With Gratitude,
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